She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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