corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
