the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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