she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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