Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
