Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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