so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
love makes seman taste better
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize