We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
