Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
