my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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