Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
