Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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