so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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