THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
