if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my sisters under your porch take her home
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize