There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
