You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
