hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
