rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
