id be glad to
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
