look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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