Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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