I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
