I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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