Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
