what day is it and did you see me today?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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