Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
