I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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