I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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