So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
