Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
