Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
