Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
