guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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