why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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