just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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