I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
