First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
