Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
