What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
