dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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