If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
