your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize