Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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