3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
