He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize