I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
