and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
