I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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