I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love you. Go after that dick
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