I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
BRING THE BAGELS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
