So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
