When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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