I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
