His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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