I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
