I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
