oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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