question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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