Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
