Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
