I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
