he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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