when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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