This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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