I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
