come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
