I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
