Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
