Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
