i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I die, sorry about rent.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
