I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
