i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I deserve this hangover.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
