Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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