Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize