sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
