I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
