i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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