Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
