i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
