we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
